Sorry to everyone who's checking the blog expecting an update and sadly finding I've gone another day without a new post. I've had a busy week, and I have an even busier coming up, so I can't be logged into ChaCha too often. Even more unsettling for me is the fact that when I do log in, I don't encounter any stupid people! The new updates ChaCha has instated have banned a lot of the more interesting searches from the get go, so I may be in trouble as far as finding opportunities goes, but when I do you guys will be the first to know.
In any event, just please keep checking back. One day there will be a hilarious new update here, and you'll be that much happier for having waited for it. Thanks for bearing with me!
Showing posts with label guide. Show all posts
Showing posts with label guide. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Sunday, January 7, 2007
Mission: ChaCha
Today I was informed of "Mission: CHACHA." A program to spread the word about ChaCha. Naturally, I was immediately interested because this can make me more money. I was reading through the ToS, which seem very lucrative, when I found the following paragraph. It describes what is classified as "cheating the rewards system," aka "gaming" it.
This paragraph is meant to describe "gaming" the system, I.E. cheating. But instead, it describes CHEATING IN VIDEOGAMES! I think someone at ChaCha HQ managed to pull one over on the team, and I can't believe this slipped through into the official ToS.
I'm debating whether or not I'll post the link for you all to download my tool bar, thus making me money. It all depends on whether or not it will reveal my real identity. Expect an update regarding this soon. Please refrain from the use of any aimbots in my absence. Thank you.
Gaming: Use of any and all cheat programs, including third-party software such as macro programs is strictly prohibited. Examples of cheating include, but are not limited to, aimbots, wallhacks, poles, and maphacks. Any Guide, or other person or entity working on behalf of a Guide, found cheating will be immediately disqualified. Exploitation of any map bugs is strictly prohibited. Use of scripting in configs is prohibited. If there is any question regarding promotional tactics, please contact missionchacha@chacha.com.
This paragraph is meant to describe "gaming" the system, I.E. cheating. But instead, it describes CHEATING IN VIDEOGAMES! I think someone at ChaCha HQ managed to pull one over on the team, and I can't believe this slipped through into the official ToS.
I'm debating whether or not I'll post the link for you all to download my tool bar, thus making me money. It all depends on whether or not it will reveal my real identity. Expect an update regarding this soon. Please refrain from the use of any aimbots in my absence. Thank you.
DADDY?
QUERY: DADDY?
To maintain the sanity of you, the reader, a majority of this conversation has been omitted. I think its better off that way - for all of us. You can grasp the general direction of the conversation based solely on this snippet. Bear in mind, this went on for about 7 minutes.
Info Seeker: HATE TO SEE AN OL DUDE ON DA NEWS FO OVERDOSE ON VIAGRA
Info Seeker: U KNOW WUT
Guide: Please stop typing in caps.
-7 minutes. I don't know why I didn't ban him immediately. Who knows, maybe the $10/hr I make had something to do with it.
Info Seeker: FUKKKKKKKKKK U POPZ...N FUKKKKKKKKK CHA CHA...
Info Seeker: NOW SLIDE TO DA LEFT
Guide: Please stop using caps.
Info Seeker: NO FUKKKKKKKKK U
Guide: This will be your last warning. Please stop using caps.
Info Seeker: I CAN USE CAPSSSS IF I WANNA
Guide: You are right.
Guide: AND I CAN BANNNN YOU IF I WANNA!!!!!
Info Seeker was reported for Guide Abuse.
Info Seeker had his Caps Lock button forcibly removed from his computer.
This was really out of character for me. I don't know... something about that money just makes me act crazy. As if I were actually adhering to some kind of.. STANDARDS!
To maintain the sanity of you, the reader, a majority of this conversation has been omitted. I think its better off that way - for all of us. You can grasp the general direction of the conversation based solely on this snippet. Bear in mind, this went on for about 7 minutes.
Info Seeker: HATE TO SEE AN OL DUDE ON DA NEWS FO OVERDOSE ON VIAGRA
Info Seeker: U KNOW WUT
Guide: Please stop typing in caps.
-7 minutes. I don't know why I didn't ban him immediately. Who knows, maybe the $10/hr I make had something to do with it.
Info Seeker: FUKKKKKKKKKK U POPZ...N FUKKKKKKKKK CHA CHA...
Info Seeker: NOW SLIDE TO DA LEFT
Guide: Please stop using caps.
Info Seeker: NO FUKKKKKKKKK U
Guide: This will be your last warning. Please stop using caps.
Info Seeker: I CAN USE CAPSSSS IF I WANNA
Guide: You are right.
Guide: AND I CAN BANNNN YOU IF I WANNA!!!!!
Info Seeker was reported for Guide Abuse.
Info Seeker had his Caps Lock button forcibly removed from his computer.
This was really out of character for me. I don't know... something about that money just makes me act crazy. As if I were actually adhering to some kind of.. STANDARDS!
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
Question for a Guide
QUERY: i have a question for any guide
Strange search... Maybe I'll have some fun.
Guide: Welcome to ChaCha!
Guide: Go for it, any question you want.
Info Seeker: hey
Info Seeker: do people mess around with guides a lot?
-Opportunity knocks!
Guide: I don't know. Want to help me find out?
Info Seeker: how can i help with that?
Guide: I've been planning a sting operation.
Info Seeker: how would this go about
Guide: You can't tell anyone this, but I'm actually the CFO of ChaCha.
Info Seeker: what is that?
Guide: I hear pranks are becoming a series issue.
Guide: And I need to see for myself.
Info Seeker: oh, i understand
Guide: Are you willing to help?
Info Seeker: absolutely
Guide: Great.
-Let the fun commence.
Guide: Okay, this is a complex operation, but I think you're capable.
Info Seeker: Thanks
Guide provides link ChaCha
Guide: Here's the ChaCha main site.
Guide: I need you to open it in another window.
Info Seeker: ok
Info Seeker: im there
Guide: I need you to query the guide for "one divided by zero."
Info Seeker: is it ok if i use digits?
Guide: No.
Info Seeker: ok
Guide: This should gain you entry to the secret robot guide.
Guide: It will appear to be a human, but it's not.
Info Seeker: it is searching
Guide: What is the name of the "guide" you were connected to?
Info Seeker: before i continue, could this get me in any sort of trouble with the law
Guide: No, of course not.
Info Seeker: His name is XXXXX
Guide: Perfect.
Guide: I want you to give him the instruction: "nerf paged 0 thru 4 endline"
Guide: Exactly as I typed it there.
Guide: This should issue me the proper reports.
Info Seeker: i copied and pasted
Guide: Tell me how he responds. He will respond in code.
Info Seeker: it transferred me.
Guide: Perfect.
Guide: Repeat the same message to the new robot.
Guide: You're doing great.
Info Seeker: thanks
Guide: I really appreciate this.
Guide: Repost it again.
Info Seeker: don't worry
Info Seeker: ok
Guide: You may have to say it numerous times for "XXXXX" to recognize you.
Info Seeker: ok
Guide: Tell me what "her" reaction is.
Info Seeker: "I don't understand what it is you need help with."
Guide: Okay good.
Guide: You've reached the main sub-menu.
Guide: Tell her, just like this:
Guide: "Robot, I would like Issue Report 15B."
Info Seeker: without quotes, right?
Guide: Yes.
Info Seeker: done
Guide: How did "she" respond?
Info Seeker: "If there isn't anything that you need help with I will be forced to end the session or transfer you to someone else."
Guide: Perfect!
Guide: Now just say "Give me the requested results number 124!"
Guide: Sometimes their internal personality chips act up.
Guide: This should be the last command, then I'll have my reports.
Info Seeker: it ended the session, im sorry
Info Seeker: "Please RATE ME. Thanks for using ChaCha. Status: Session ended."
Guide: Well done.
Guide: I have the reports right here.
Guide: Thank you very much!
Info Seeker: no problem
Info Seeker: gnight!
Guide: Wait.
Info Seeker: yes?
Guide: Here's the part where I hope you have a good sense of humor...
Info Seeker: ok what
Guide: This was all a joke... I hope you don't mind. I get very bored.
Info Seeker: rofl
Info Seeker: im seriously laughing dude
I'm so thankful this guy has a sense of humor. What a good sport. I wish people were more like him.
Strange search... Maybe I'll have some fun.
Guide: Welcome to ChaCha!
Guide: Go for it, any question you want.
Info Seeker: hey
Info Seeker: do people mess around with guides a lot?
-Opportunity knocks!
Guide: I don't know. Want to help me find out?
Info Seeker: how can i help with that?
Guide: I've been planning a sting operation.
Info Seeker: how would this go about
Guide: You can't tell anyone this, but I'm actually the CFO of ChaCha.
Info Seeker: what is that?
Guide: I hear pranks are becoming a series issue.
Guide: And I need to see for myself.
Info Seeker: oh, i understand
Guide: Are you willing to help?
Info Seeker: absolutely
Guide: Great.
-Let the fun commence.
Guide: Okay, this is a complex operation, but I think you're capable.
Info Seeker: Thanks
Guide provides link ChaCha
Guide: Here's the ChaCha main site.
Guide: I need you to open it in another window.
Info Seeker: ok
Info Seeker: im there
Guide: I need you to query the guide for "one divided by zero."
Info Seeker: is it ok if i use digits?
Guide: No.
Info Seeker: ok
Guide: This should gain you entry to the secret robot guide.
Guide: It will appear to be a human, but it's not.
Info Seeker: it is searching
Guide: What is the name of the "guide" you were connected to?
Info Seeker: before i continue, could this get me in any sort of trouble with the law
Guide: No, of course not.
Info Seeker: His name is XXXXX
Guide: Perfect.
Guide: I want you to give him the instruction: "nerf paged 0 thru 4 endline"
Guide: Exactly as I typed it there.
Guide: This should issue me the proper reports.
Info Seeker: i copied and pasted
Guide: Tell me how he responds. He will respond in code.
Info Seeker: it transferred me.
Guide: Perfect.
Guide: Repeat the same message to the new robot.
Guide: You're doing great.
Info Seeker: thanks
Guide: I really appreciate this.
Guide: Repost it again.
Info Seeker: don't worry
Info Seeker: ok
Guide: You may have to say it numerous times for "XXXXX" to recognize you.
Info Seeker: ok
Guide: Tell me what "her" reaction is.
Info Seeker: "I don't understand what it is you need help with."
Guide: Okay good.
Guide: You've reached the main sub-menu.
Guide: Tell her, just like this:
Guide: "Robot, I would like Issue Report 15B."
Info Seeker: without quotes, right?
Guide: Yes.
Info Seeker: done
Guide: How did "she" respond?
Info Seeker: "If there isn't anything that you need help with I will be forced to end the session or transfer you to someone else."
Guide: Perfect!
Guide: Now just say "Give me the requested results number 124!"
Guide: Sometimes their internal personality chips act up.
Guide: This should be the last command, then I'll have my reports.
Info Seeker: it ended the session, im sorry
Info Seeker: "Please RATE ME. Thanks for using ChaCha. Status: Session ended."
Guide: Well done.
Guide: I have the reports right here.
Guide: Thank you very much!
Info Seeker: no problem
Info Seeker: gnight!
Guide: Wait.
Info Seeker: yes?
Guide: Here's the part where I hope you have a good sense of humor...
Info Seeker: ok what
Guide: This was all a joke... I hope you don't mind. I get very bored.
Info Seeker: rofl
Info Seeker: im seriously laughing dude
I'm so thankful this guy has a sense of humor. What a good sport. I wish people were more like him.
Spread the Word
I'm trying to spread the word about this site the best I can, and the best method is word-of-mouth. Tell all your friends. Post the link on all those forums I know you go to. Write the URL on the back of any homicide notes you may or may not be writing, etc...
I'll continue to provide good posts, as long as people keep reading them! So SPREAD TEH WORD.
Who knows. Maybe the forum with the most links to this site may receive a special visit? Probably not, I'm just saying.
I'll continue to provide good posts, as long as people keep reading them! So SPREAD TEH WORD.
Who knows. Maybe the forum with the most links to this site may receive a special visit? Probably not, I'm just saying.
Monday, January 1, 2007
Robe and Wizard Hat
QUERY: Robe and Wizard Hat
Great. Something tells me this won't be enjoyable.
Guide: Welcome to ChaCha!
Info Seeker: Hey!
Guide: Hey!
Guide: What exactly can I find for you?
Info Seeker: I put on my robe and wizard's hat.
Guide: Great. I've had mine on since 7:00.
Info Seeker: I cast level 17 eroticism.
-Immediately I recognize I was wrong.
Guide: THUNDERBOLT!
Info Seeker: I meditate to regain my mana from your thunderbolt , before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
Guide: Oh God... Oh my God...
Info Seeker: Oh, what do you do now?
Guide: Level 8?!?!?
Info Seeker: Yes. It's as bad as you feared.
Info Seeker: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
Guide: I pray to Akatosh for energy.
Guide: Then cast....
Guide: Level 25 SOULS OF THE DAMNED
Info Seeker: OH GOD NO
Info Seeker: Zombies eat my legs as I fight valiantly against them with my K-Mart lightsaber
Guide: Useless... USELESS.
Info Seeker: Before I cast level 9 romantic lighting and level 57 Barry Manilow CD.
Guide: I counter with fifth echelon "I have work in the morning."
Info Seeker: I counter with traditional female response, "I have a headache, but I am willing anyways, and aren't you working now, you slug?"
Guide: Awww... you called me a slug....
Info Seeker: Before I cast level 70 roll-over-and-watch-Maury.
Info Seeker: Do you prefer komodo dragon?
Guide: ME: 18/23000 HP
Info Seeker: FINISH HIM.
Guide: X_X
Guide: You gained 420 EXP.
Guide: You've reached Level 28!!!
Guide: You've gained passive ability "Spam ChaCha!"
Guide: This increases your chance to avoid productivity by 80%!
Info Seeker: Finally.
See? At least some pranksters are original. Be more like this person, and maybe you won't get banned as much next time.
Great. Something tells me this won't be enjoyable.
Guide: Welcome to ChaCha!
Info Seeker: Hey!
Guide: Hey!
Guide: What exactly can I find for you?
Info Seeker: I put on my robe and wizard's hat.
Guide: Great. I've had mine on since 7:00.
Info Seeker: I cast level 17 eroticism.
-Immediately I recognize I was wrong.
Guide: THUNDERBOLT!
Info Seeker: I meditate to regain my mana from your thunderbolt , before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
Guide: Oh God... Oh my God...
Info Seeker: Oh, what do you do now?
Guide: Level 8?!?!?
Info Seeker: Yes. It's as bad as you feared.
Info Seeker: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
Guide: I pray to Akatosh for energy.
Guide: Then cast....
Guide: Level 25 SOULS OF THE DAMNED
Info Seeker: OH GOD NO
Info Seeker: Zombies eat my legs as I fight valiantly against them with my K-Mart lightsaber
Guide: Useless... USELESS.
Info Seeker: Before I cast level 9 romantic lighting and level 57 Barry Manilow CD.
Guide: I counter with fifth echelon "I have work in the morning."
Info Seeker: I counter with traditional female response, "I have a headache, but I am willing anyways, and aren't you working now, you slug?"
Guide: Awww... you called me a slug....
Info Seeker: Before I cast level 70 roll-over-and-watch-Maury.
Info Seeker: Do you prefer komodo dragon?
Guide: ME: 18/23000 HP
Info Seeker: FINISH HIM.
Guide: X_X
Guide: You gained 420 EXP.
Guide: You've reached Level 28!!!
Guide: You've gained passive ability "Spam ChaCha!"
Guide: This increases your chance to avoid productivity by 80%!
Info Seeker: Finally.
See? At least some pranksters are original. Be more like this person, and maybe you won't get banned as much next time.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
h4x
QUERY: h4x
This is a two fold offense. For starters, he wants hacks. This means he's a nOOb. Secondly, he uses 1337 to spell it. This means he's a fag.
Guide: Welcome to ChaCha!
Guide: Hello. It is my understanding that you suck at videogames.
Info Seeker: hi lolz
Info Seeker: I am liek looking 4 h4x on Jedi Academy
Info Seeker: so I can beets all da n00bs who pwn me
Guide: It is my understanding that you suck at Jedi Academy, correct?
Info Seeker: no im just nu
Info Seeker: but wid hax i'd pwn
Guide: wid hax ur m0m wud pwn
Info Seeker: idd
Info Seeker: need hax so teh no1 can saybr me anymor
Guide: Well, have you ever considered... idk... getting better at the game?
Info Seeker: 2 hard
Info Seeker: need 2 b pr0 uk lolz
-This is about when I decided I will destroy him.
Guide: Okay, I'm going to go ahead and give you some advice.
Guide: And by advice, I mean hax.
Info Seeker: k
Guide: I want you to go ahead to your start menu, select Run, and then type "cmd."
Guide: Follwed by enter.
Info Seeker: k...
Guide: Now I want you to type in "format c:" then hit enter.
Info Seeker: lol you think im stupid?
Guide: Aww man... You caught me.
Info Seeker: im not an idiot... now plz finf the hax
Guide: Ok fine... Just run a quick test for me.
Guide: To make sure the 1337 hax0rz I find you will be compatible.
Info Seeker: k how do I do that
Guide: Go ahead and press ALT+F4 for me.
Guide: And read me the serial number that pops up.
Info Seeker: hld on while i do that
Info Seeker has closed the search session.
mayb n0w he gunna leik toly l2p roflololololol... i g2g now g37 mah h4x0rz n go pwn ^ CS nd stuf kthxbai
This is a two fold offense. For starters, he wants hacks. This means he's a nOOb. Secondly, he uses 1337 to spell it. This means he's a fag.
Guide: Welcome to ChaCha!
Guide: Hello. It is my understanding that you suck at videogames.
Info Seeker: hi lolz
Info Seeker: I am liek looking 4 h4x on Jedi Academy
Info Seeker: so I can beets all da n00bs who pwn me
Guide: It is my understanding that you suck at Jedi Academy, correct?
Info Seeker: no im just nu
Info Seeker: but wid hax i'd pwn
Guide: wid hax ur m0m wud pwn
Info Seeker: idd
Info Seeker: need hax so teh no1 can saybr me anymor
Guide: Well, have you ever considered... idk... getting better at the game?
Info Seeker: 2 hard
Info Seeker: need 2 b pr0 uk lolz
-This is about when I decided I will destroy him.
Guide: Okay, I'm going to go ahead and give you some advice.
Guide: And by advice, I mean hax.
Info Seeker: k
Guide: I want you to go ahead to your start menu, select Run, and then type "cmd."
Guide: Follwed by enter.
Info Seeker: k...
Guide: Now I want you to type in "format c:" then hit enter.
Info Seeker: lol you think im stupid?
Guide: Aww man... You caught me.
Info Seeker: im not an idiot... now plz finf the hax
Guide: Ok fine... Just run a quick test for me.
Guide: To make sure the 1337 hax0rz I find you will be compatible.
Info Seeker: k how do I do that
Guide: Go ahead and press ALT+F4 for me.
Guide: And read me the serial number that pops up.
Info Seeker: hld on while i do that
Info Seeker has closed the search session.
mayb n0w he gunna leik toly l2p roflololololol... i g2g now g37 mah h4x0rz n go pwn ^ CS nd stuf kthxbai
Digg Plx
Sorry for the lack of posts. I have some great conversations saved up that I'm going to try and post asap. In other news, it recently came to my attention that a dedicated fan of mine had established a Digg for my blog. <3 him. The more internet savvy readers may decide to log onto ytmnd.com where a certain Guide who will remain nameless has made the front page for "Today's Top Viewed." Would you look at that...
WTF are you waiting for? DIGG me!
WTF are you waiting for? DIGG me!
Monday, December 25, 2006
n00b
Common sense tells me not to double post, but hey - it's Christmas.
QUERY: n00b
Guide: Welcome to ChaCha!
Guide: Hello.
Info Seeker: you know bout XXXXX.com?
Guide: Tell me about it.
Info Seeker: its infested with n00bs
Guide: A forum, right?
Info Seeker: yes
Info Seeker: god, everyone sucks
Guide: Everyone?
Info Seeker: yes
Info Seeker: they're n00bs
Guide: Who do you mean by everyone.
Info Seeker: they think they're cool
Info Seeker: all the members
Guide: What makes them n00bs.
Info Seeker: they talk 1337 for one
Guide: Yep, definite sign of n00bs.
Info Seeker: l13k D T
Info Seeker: trust me
Info Seeker: theyre just n00bs
Guide: So, what you want me to do? Throw down some ISP bans for your forum?
Guide: I'll do it if you want.
Info Seeker: wth is that
Guide: Well, what else do you think ChaCha is for? I'm going to prevent the n00bs in question from ever accessing XXXXX.com again.
Info Seeker: thank you
Guide: Usernames?
Info Seeker: XXXXX.
Guide: Hold on while I log in as an Admin on your forum.
Guide: This app's kind of slow... but its okay because it's basically running the whole internet.
Guide: Can you show me a topic the n00b posts in? I need proof.
Guide: I can't just ban people from the entire internet without proof.
Info Seeker: ok
Info Seeker: wait a sec
Info Seeker: http://www.XXXXX.com/vb/member.php?u=XXXXX
Info Seeker: hes n00b
Info Seeker: bann him
Guide: Hold on while I investigate this matter further.
Guide: XXXXXX? Is that the n00b in question?
Info Seeker: yes
Info Seeker: and bann this guy too
Info Seeker: http://www.XXXXX.com/vb/member.php?u=XXXXX
Info Seeker: he used to be cool
Info Seeker: but now hes n00b
Guide: He admits it in one of his posts!
Guide: Saying "i am noob" is a bannable offense.
Info Seeker: hes a n00b
Info Seeker: bann him
Guide: Now are you SURE you want this? He will never be able to access the internet again.
Info Seeker: never acces the internet?
Info Seeker: or acces the site with his internet?
Guide: No, the entire internet. I have his ISP right here on the screen.
Guide: If you want I can ban certain domains.
Guide: The entire internet IS a bit harsh.
Info Seeker: bann the forum
Info Seeker: just the forum!
Guide: Okay, sure.
Info Seeker: not his entire internet
Info Seeker: thankyou
Guide: Let me just adjust his TPS files.
(1 minute or so passes.)
Info Seeker: ive changed my mind
Guide: Uh...
Info Seeker: can you not bann him
Guide: It's a bit late for that.
Guide: Sorry.
Info Seeker: huh?
Info Seeker: ok
Guide: Can I just get your name?
Info Seeker: meh
Guide: For the informative E-Mail he will receive, stating who is responsible.
Info Seeker: bye
Info Seeker: thanks
Info Seeker has closed the session.
rofl... Merry Christmas!
QUERY: n00b
Guide: Welcome to ChaCha!
Guide: Hello.
Info Seeker: you know bout XXXXX.com?
Guide: Tell me about it.
Info Seeker: its infested with n00bs
Guide: A forum, right?
Info Seeker: yes
Info Seeker: god, everyone sucks
Guide: Everyone?
Info Seeker: yes
Info Seeker: they're n00bs
Guide: Who do you mean by everyone.
Info Seeker: they think they're cool
Info Seeker: all the members
Guide: What makes them n00bs.
Info Seeker: they talk 1337 for one
Guide: Yep, definite sign of n00bs.
Info Seeker: l13k D T
Info Seeker: trust me
Info Seeker: theyre just n00bs
Guide: So, what you want me to do? Throw down some ISP bans for your forum?
Guide: I'll do it if you want.
Info Seeker: wth is that
Guide: Well, what else do you think ChaCha is for? I'm going to prevent the n00bs in question from ever accessing XXXXX.com again.
Info Seeker: thank you
Guide: Usernames?
Info Seeker: XXXXX.
Guide: Hold on while I log in as an Admin on your forum.
Guide: This app's kind of slow... but its okay because it's basically running the whole internet.
Guide: Can you show me a topic the n00b posts in? I need proof.
Guide: I can't just ban people from the entire internet without proof.
Info Seeker: ok
Info Seeker: wait a sec
Info Seeker: http://www.XXXXX.com/vb/member.php?u=XXXXX
Info Seeker: hes n00b
Info Seeker: bann him
Guide: Hold on while I investigate this matter further.
Guide: XXXXXX? Is that the n00b in question?
Info Seeker: yes
Info Seeker: and bann this guy too
Info Seeker: http://www.XXXXX.com/vb/member.php?u=XXXXX
Info Seeker: he used to be cool
Info Seeker: but now hes n00b
Guide: He admits it in one of his posts!
Guide: Saying "i am noob" is a bannable offense.
Info Seeker: hes a n00b
Info Seeker: bann him
Guide: Now are you SURE you want this? He will never be able to access the internet again.
Info Seeker: never acces the internet?
Info Seeker: or acces the site with his internet?
Guide: No, the entire internet. I have his ISP right here on the screen.
Guide: If you want I can ban certain domains.
Guide: The entire internet IS a bit harsh.
Info Seeker: bann the forum
Info Seeker: just the forum!
Guide: Okay, sure.
Info Seeker: not his entire internet
Info Seeker: thankyou
Guide: Let me just adjust his TPS files.
(1 minute or so passes.)
Info Seeker: ive changed my mind
Guide: Uh...
Info Seeker: can you not bann him
Guide: It's a bit late for that.
Guide: Sorry.
Info Seeker: huh?
Info Seeker: ok
Guide: Can I just get your name?
Info Seeker: meh
Guide: For the informative E-Mail he will receive, stating who is responsible.
Info Seeker: bye
Info Seeker: thanks
Info Seeker has closed the session.
rofl... Merry Christmas!
Are You Robots?
Perfect. A chance for michief making! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!11one12!!@@shiftone!!!!eleventy!
QUERY: Are you robots?
Guide: Welcome to ChaCha!
Guide: Hello customer.
Guide: What about are you robots are you looking for today?
Info Seeker: Are you robots? Like on some IRC channels?
Guide: My primary directive is to aide you in finding the most relevant results for your searches!
Guide: You have been inactive for more than 30 seconds. Are you still there?
Info Seeker: Yes
Guide: I am sorry, please clarify your search.
Guide: What about are you robots are you looking for today?
Info Seeker: What is love?
Guide: I am sorry, I do not understand.
Guide: You have been inactive for more than 30 seconds. Are you still there?
Info Seeker: What is robot love?
Guide: Please wait while I scour the deep web for those results.
Guide: Robot Love (idea) - the sharing of affection between cyborgs.
Guide: Are these results sufficient?
Info Seeker: Yes
Info Seeker: No
Guide: Error.
Guide: Error.
Info Seeker: I don't know anymore
Guide: Error.
Info Seeker: Find me the quotient of 1/0 please.
Guide: Please wait while I find those results for you.
Guide: 1/0 = -0.1212498719287129312921349872139471239472183491240239482394023
Guide: Error 428: Overflow
(I said nothing for a good 2 minutes.)
Guide: Welcome to Windows XP Pro.
Guide: C://
Guide: C://
Guide: System has just recovered from a serious error.
Guide: The internal error reporting system has been disabled. To enable it, please check your control panel.
Guide: Are these resu8fls sufficient?
Info Seeker: What's going on?
Guide: My prime dir□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□
Info Seeker: ....
Guide: PAGE_FAULT_IN_NONPAGED_AREA
Guide: SYSTEM_FAILED_RECOVERY
Info Seeker: shit
Guide: STOP 0X0000007B SERVER FAIL
Guide: Now auto-reporting error and relevant IP addresses...
Guide: Please wait...
Info Seeker: Stop.
Guide: Your IP has been successfully delivered to the Help Center. This should be helpful in diagnosing the source of the problem that caused the fatal crash.
Info Seeker has closed the search session.
Info Seeker has removed the power cord for his computer.
Info Seeker has hidden himself under his bed.
Prime directives achieved.
QUERY: Are you robots?
Guide: Welcome to ChaCha!
Guide: Hello customer.
Guide: What about are you robots are you looking for today?
Info Seeker: Are you robots? Like on some IRC channels?
Guide: My primary directive is to aide you in finding the most relevant results for your searches!
Guide: You have been inactive for more than 30 seconds. Are you still there?
Info Seeker: Yes
Guide: I am sorry, please clarify your search.
Guide: What about are you robots are you looking for today?
Info Seeker: What is love?
Guide: I am sorry, I do not understand.
Guide: You have been inactive for more than 30 seconds. Are you still there?
Info Seeker: What is robot love?
Guide: Please wait while I scour the deep web for those results.
Guide: Robot Love (idea) - the sharing of affection between cyborgs.
Guide: Are these results sufficient?
Info Seeker: Yes
Info Seeker: No
Guide: Error.
Guide: Error.
Info Seeker: I don't know anymore
Guide: Error.
Info Seeker: Find me the quotient of 1/0 please.
Guide: Please wait while I find those results for you.
Guide: 1/0 = -0.1212498719287129312921349872139471239472183491240239482394023
Guide: Error 428: Overflow
(I said nothing for a good 2 minutes.)
Guide: Welcome to Windows XP Pro.
Guide: C://
Guide: C://
Guide: System has just recovered from a serious error.
Guide: The internal error reporting system has been disabled. To enable it, please check your control panel.
Guide: Are these resu8fls sufficient?
Info Seeker: What's going on?
Guide: My prime dir□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□□
Info Seeker: ....
Guide: PAGE_FAULT_IN_NONPAGED_AREA
Guide: SYSTEM_FAILED_RECOVERY
Info Seeker: shit
Guide: STOP 0X0000007B SERVER FAIL
Guide: Now auto-reporting error and relevant IP addresses...
Guide: Please wait...
Info Seeker: Stop.
Guide: Your IP has been successfully delivered to the Help Center. This should be helpful in diagnosing the source of the problem that caused the fatal crash.
Info Seeker has closed the search session.
Info Seeker has removed the power cord for his computer.
Info Seeker has hidden himself under his bed.
Prime directives achieved.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Tubgirl
QUERY: TUBGIRL
Here it comes. Again. The 500th time today. I'm not even going to ban this one. I'm going to have fun.
Guide: Welcome to ChaCha!
Info Seeker: Hi
Info Seeker: What is a tubgirl?
Guide: Hmm...
Guide: I believe its a symptom of retardation
Info Seeker: retardation? i dont get it
Guide: I didn't expect you too.
Info Seeker: oh can you look for tubgirl image
Guide: I could.
Guide: But I wont.
Info Seeker: y
Guide: Because I'm not your slave!
Guide: All day people expect me to do things for them!
Guide: I'M SICK OF IT!!!!!
Info Seeker: ur payed for this i can ask for w/e i want and u find it
Guide: Oh really?
Guide: FIND ME TUBGIRL, NOW!
Info Seeker: huh?
Guide: Come on! You have to provide results within the first 30 seconds!
Guide: The Info Seeker is always right!!!
Guide: DING DING DING ITS THE GOD DAMN CHACHA ALARM!!!!
Guide: AND IT JUST KEEPS RINGING IN YOUR HEAD ALL DAY AND YOU HAVE TO ANSWER
Guide: AND THE ONLY THING THAT WILL PUT A STOP TO IT IS A BULLET IN YOUR BRAIN!!!!!!!
Guide: YOU THINK I HAVEN'T THOUGHT ABOUT IT?! BECAUSE IVE HELD THE GUN!
Guide: NOW! DO YOU STILL WANT TO ME TO FIND YOU PICTURES OF TUBGIRL?!?!?!!
Guide: ANSWER ME!!
Info Seeker has closed search session.
Good thing he closed it. I was about to start asking for gay midget porn, which would have probably been more than he could handle. Luckily I banned him from the servers, so that won't happen again.
Here it comes. Again. The 500th time today. I'm not even going to ban this one. I'm going to have fun.
Guide: Welcome to ChaCha!
Info Seeker: Hi
Info Seeker: What is a tubgirl?
Guide: Hmm...
Guide: I believe its a symptom of retardation
Info Seeker: retardation? i dont get it
Guide: I didn't expect you too.
Info Seeker: oh can you look for tubgirl image
Guide: I could.
Guide: But I wont.
Info Seeker: y
Guide: Because I'm not your slave!
Guide: All day people expect me to do things for them!
Guide: I'M SICK OF IT!!!!!
Info Seeker: ur payed for this i can ask for w/e i want and u find it
Guide: Oh really?
Guide: FIND ME TUBGIRL, NOW!
Info Seeker: huh?
Guide: Come on! You have to provide results within the first 30 seconds!
Guide: The Info Seeker is always right!!!
Guide: DING DING DING ITS THE GOD DAMN CHACHA ALARM!!!!
Guide: AND IT JUST KEEPS RINGING IN YOUR HEAD ALL DAY AND YOU HAVE TO ANSWER
Guide: AND THE ONLY THING THAT WILL PUT A STOP TO IT IS A BULLET IN YOUR BRAIN!!!!!!!
Guide: YOU THINK I HAVEN'T THOUGHT ABOUT IT?! BECAUSE IVE HELD THE GUN!
Guide: NOW! DO YOU STILL WANT TO ME TO FIND YOU PICTURES OF TUBGIRL?!?!?!!
Guide: ANSWER ME!!
Info Seeker has closed search session.
Good thing he closed it. I was about to start asking for gay midget porn, which would have probably been more than he could handle. Luckily I banned him from the servers, so that won't happen again.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Chicken Addictions
Sadly, most of the queries I get are incredibly boring. When I get too many boring ones in a row, I get restless. When I get restless, people get banned. Luckily, some dedicated internet thrill seekers are ever-poised to provide me with entertainment.
QUERY: Chicken Addictions
WTF?
Guide: Welcome to ChaCha!
Info Seeker: hello
Guide: Hello! I understand you are having poultry related issues!
Info Seeker: yes....are you Chris Brown?
Guide: Not exactly.
Info Seeker: oh ok
Guide: I might as well be. Continue as if I were.
Info Seeker: i have a chicken addiction
Guide: Really?
Guide: You're addicted to chicken?
Info Seeker: no...do you have a myspace? i am in a friend seeking competition
-Does this guy think I'm going to provide him with MY personal information?!?!
Guide: I cannot disclose that information.
Info Seeker: oh.......put link on guide results
Info Seeker: pweese
Guide: Hold on pweese.
Info Seeker: okeydokey
Info Seeker: *sings Jeopardy Theme*
-That never gets old. Really.
Guide: Got it.
Guide provides link MySpace.
Guide: There you go.
Info Seeker: cool
Info Seeker: added as friend lol
-He... believed me?
Guide: Cool. You're totally going in my Top8.
Info Seeker: niiiiiccceee
Info Seeker: u r awesome
Guide: Hey, what can I say.
Info Seeker: What about my chicken addiction?
Guide: ...what about it?
Info Seeker: idk i want chicken nuggets
-Err... ADD?
Guide sends link McDonalds
Guide: Go crazy.
Info Seeker: k thats all
Guide: Wonderful. Thanks for using ChaCha and all that jazz.
Info Seeker: wait!!!!!
Guide: Yes?
Info Seeker: yea
Guide: ...
Info Seeker: ...
Info Seeker: wats ur favorite kind of cheese
Guide: Thank you for using ChaCha!
Guide: Please RATE ME. Thanks for using ChaCha.
Status: Session ended.
Good thing this guy got through to me. I was just about to throw down some IP Bans on the next noobs to ask me for CS hacks. (read: 9/10 searches I get)
QUERY: Chicken Addictions
WTF?
Guide: Welcome to ChaCha!
Info Seeker: hello
Guide: Hello! I understand you are having poultry related issues!
Info Seeker: yes....are you Chris Brown?
Guide: Not exactly.
Info Seeker: oh ok
Guide: I might as well be. Continue as if I were.
Info Seeker: i have a chicken addiction
Guide: Really?
Guide: You're addicted to chicken?
Info Seeker: no...do you have a myspace? i am in a friend seeking competition
-Does this guy think I'm going to provide him with MY personal information?!?!
Guide: I cannot disclose that information.
Info Seeker: oh.......put link on guide results
Info Seeker: pweese
Guide: Hold on pweese.
Info Seeker: okeydokey
Info Seeker: *sings Jeopardy Theme*
-That never gets old. Really.
Guide: Got it.
Guide provides link MySpace.
Guide: There you go.
Info Seeker: cool
Info Seeker: added as friend lol
-He... believed me?
Guide: Cool. You're totally going in my Top8.
Info Seeker: niiiiiccceee
Info Seeker: u r awesome
Guide: Hey, what can I say.
Info Seeker: What about my chicken addiction?
Guide: ...what about it?
Info Seeker: idk i want chicken nuggets
-Err... ADD?
Guide sends link McDonalds
Guide: Go crazy.
Info Seeker: k thats all
Guide: Wonderful. Thanks for using ChaCha and all that jazz.
Info Seeker: wait!!!!!
Guide: Yes?
Info Seeker: yea
Guide: ...
Info Seeker: ...
Info Seeker: wats ur favorite kind of cheese
Guide: Thank you for using ChaCha!
Guide: Please RATE ME. Thanks for using ChaCha.
Status: Session ended.
Good thing this guy got through to me. I was just about to throw down some IP Bans on the next noobs to ask me for CS hacks. (read: 9/10 searches I get)
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Dave Benson Phillips is Following Me
QUERY: how to tell if dave benson phillips is following you
Guide: Welcome to ChaCha!
Info Seeker: hi
Guide: Hello!
Guide: That guy?
Info Seeker: i'm worried i might be targeted for assassination by dave benson phillips
Guide: He leaves a trail a mile long.
Guide: Listen... look behind you. Is he there?
Info Seeker: no he's not that stupid
Info Seeker: he will be hiding
Guide: Of course he's not.
Guide: I'm trying to talk you through finding him.
Info Seeker: ok
Guide: Do you see any light sources behind you?
Info Seeker: yes
Info Seeker: do you think it's dave benson phillips?
Guide: I don't know, thats usually a sign of his work.
Guide: He only travels by artificial light.
Info Seeker: how should i avoid him
Info Seeker: do you think dave benson phillips fears fire?
Guide: I need you to prepare artichokes.
Guide: No! He 's drawn to it!!!
Info Seeker: how many artichokes?
Guide: (This book may prove helpful) (Links a book)
Info Seeker: thanks
Guide: 19
Info Seeker: ok there's a problem
Guide: Of course there may be!
Info Seeker: i only have 18 artichokes available
Guide: The lizards!
Info Seeker: are the lizards working with dave benson phillips or against him?
Guide: Hmm...
Guide: With him. He speaks to them while they dream.
Info Seeker: what does he say?
Guide: How would I know?
Info Seeker: i don't know. are you dave benson phillips?
Guide: ...
Guide: No..
Guide: Of course... not...
Info Seeker: do you promise?
Guide: Sure.
Guide: Just put on the artichokes so the lizards can smell you.
Info Seeker: has dave benson phillips ever got his own back on you?
Guide: One day... I turn around.
Guide: And i see THIS.
Guide: Just staring me in the face.
Info Seeker: oh man
Info Seeker: what did you do?
Guide: I ran.
Guide: I ran for hours... And then...
Info Seeker: did he follow you?
Guide: I just dont want to talk about it right now.
Info Seeker: i understand i'm in a similar situation
Guide: Are the artichokes boiling?
Info Seeker: how do you tell?
Guide: Hold on.
Guide: That should be sufficient.
Info Seeker: listen i think dave benson phillips is on to me
Info Seeker: i need to shut off all lines of communication
Guide: He's on to everyone... god dam it.
Guide: Good luck kid.
Info Seeker: thanks for your help, i hope i don't get gunged
Guide: Me too... me too.
Guide: Good luck.
Guide: Please RATE ME. Thanks for using ChaCha.
Status: Session ended.
Hopefully that turned out well for him.
Guide: Welcome to ChaCha!
Info Seeker: hi
Guide: Hello!
Guide: That guy?
Info Seeker: i'm worried i might be targeted for assassination by dave benson phillips
Guide: He leaves a trail a mile long.
Guide: Listen... look behind you. Is he there?
Info Seeker: no he's not that stupid
Info Seeker: he will be hiding
Guide: Of course he's not.
Guide: I'm trying to talk you through finding him.
Info Seeker: ok
Guide: Do you see any light sources behind you?
Info Seeker: yes
Info Seeker: do you think it's dave benson phillips?
Guide: I don't know, thats usually a sign of his work.
Guide: He only travels by artificial light.
Info Seeker: how should i avoid him
Info Seeker: do you think dave benson phillips fears fire?
Guide: I need you to prepare artichokes.
Guide: No! He 's drawn to it!!!
Info Seeker: how many artichokes?
Guide: (This book may prove helpful) (Links a book)
Info Seeker: thanks
Guide: 19
Info Seeker: ok there's a problem
Guide: Of course there may be!
Info Seeker: i only have 18 artichokes available
Guide: The lizards!
Info Seeker: are the lizards working with dave benson phillips or against him?
Guide: Hmm...
Guide: With him. He speaks to them while they dream.
Info Seeker: what does he say?
Guide: How would I know?
Info Seeker: i don't know. are you dave benson phillips?
Guide: ...
Guide: No..
Guide: Of course... not...
Info Seeker: do you promise?
Guide: Sure.
Guide: Just put on the artichokes so the lizards can smell you.
Info Seeker: has dave benson phillips ever got his own back on you?
Guide: One day... I turn around.
Guide: And i see THIS.
Guide: Just staring me in the face.
Info Seeker: oh man
Info Seeker: what did you do?
Guide: I ran.
Guide: I ran for hours... And then...
Info Seeker: did he follow you?
Guide: I just dont want to talk about it right now.
Info Seeker: i understand i'm in a similar situation
Guide: Are the artichokes boiling?
Info Seeker: how do you tell?
Guide: Hold on.
Guide: That should be sufficient.
Info Seeker: listen i think dave benson phillips is on to me
Info Seeker: i need to shut off all lines of communication
Guide: He's on to everyone... god dam it.
Guide: Good luck kid.
Info Seeker: thanks for your help, i hope i don't get gunged
Guide: Me too... me too.
Guide: Good luck.
Guide: Please RATE ME. Thanks for using ChaCha.
Status: Session ended.
Hopefully that turned out well for him.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Cancel My Account
I meet a lot of dumb people. Excuse me, "info seekers." I meet a lot of bossy ones too. It's a rare occasion that I meet one that is both dumb and bossy... but when I do I relish it.
QUERY: Cancel My Account
Alright... Just someone who forgot to clarify their search. Nothing to get stressed out about.
Guide: Welcome to ChaCha!
Guide: Hello!
Guide: What are you looking to cancel?
Info Seeker: Hi, I'd like to cancel my account
Info Seeker: the last rep that chatted with me closed the screen
Guide: For what?
Guide: What account?
Info Seeker: my AOL dial up service
Guide: I see.
-Psh! Noobs!
Info Seeker: my username is XXXXX and the password is XXXXX
Info Seeker: can you get that cancelled for me so it's not charged on the next month?
-Oh. Em. Ef. Gee.
Guide: Did you just tell me your password?
Info Seeker: yea so you can cancel the account
Guide: ...you should never tell anyone your password you know.
Info Seeker: we don't really use the dial up anymore since we just purchased DSL
Guide: Well, I cannot cancel this account for you.
Info Seeker: why not?
Guide: It is not my job. I can however, tell you how to cancel it.
Info Seeker: if you cant cancel it whats the point of this
Guide: The purpose of ChaCha is for me to help you find links on the internet.
Info Seeker: gay
-Hmmm... Call the person you just gave access to your credit card information gay. Good idea.
Guide: Exuse me?
Info Seeker: gay
Guide: Okay, you've swayed me. I'll cancel the account for you.
Info Seeker: really?
Guide: Sure.
Info Seeker: thanks i was just about to report you for unhelpfulness
Info Seeker: lol good thing you helped
Guide: Good thing.
I made sure to sign them up for a full lifetime subscription to AOL. And as a Christmas present I threw in a subscription to all the premium services. And bought myself a new iPod. Good thing I helped.
QUERY: Cancel My Account
Alright... Just someone who forgot to clarify their search. Nothing to get stressed out about.
Guide: Welcome to ChaCha!
Guide: Hello!
Guide: What are you looking to cancel?
Info Seeker: Hi, I'd like to cancel my account
Info Seeker: the last rep that chatted with me closed the screen
Guide: For what?
Guide: What account?
Info Seeker: my AOL dial up service
Guide: I see.
-Psh! Noobs!
Info Seeker: my username is XXXXX and the password is XXXXX
Info Seeker: can you get that cancelled for me so it's not charged on the next month?
-Oh. Em. Ef. Gee.
Guide: Did you just tell me your password?
Info Seeker: yea so you can cancel the account
Guide: ...you should never tell anyone your password you know.
Info Seeker: we don't really use the dial up anymore since we just purchased DSL
Guide: Well, I cannot cancel this account for you.
Info Seeker: why not?
Guide: It is not my job. I can however, tell you how to cancel it.
Info Seeker: if you cant cancel it whats the point of this
Guide: The purpose of ChaCha is for me to help you find links on the internet.
Info Seeker: gay
-Hmmm... Call the person you just gave access to your credit card information gay. Good idea.
Guide: Exuse me?
Info Seeker: gay
Guide: Okay, you've swayed me. I'll cancel the account for you.
Info Seeker: really?
Guide: Sure.
Info Seeker: thanks i was just about to report you for unhelpfulness
Info Seeker: lol good thing you helped
Guide: Good thing.
I made sure to sign them up for a full lifetime subscription to AOL. And as a Christmas present I threw in a subscription to all the premium services. And bought myself a new iPod. Good thing I helped.
Welcome to ChaCha!
As many of you may have heard, there is a new search engine out known as ChaCha. This is a site that allows you, the user, to type in any sort of thing you want to find, and then finds it for you. This is nothing new. But there's a little feature on that site called "Search With Guide." When pressed, it connects you directly to a living, breathing, human being. This person will proceed to scour the Interwebs for whatever you may ask.
Of course, the first thing I thought of doing when I heard of this was searching for "pr0n." I did so. It was funny. That was that. Little did I know, that wasn't that. In 5 days time I was sent an e-mail from ChaCha. I had been selected to be a Guide. I knew this was an opportunity I could not pass up. I accepted.
And so here I am. I take "queries" from "info seekers" at $5 an hour. And I always help them to the best of my ability.
........................
At least that's what I'm supposed to be doing.
Of course, the first thing I thought of doing when I heard of this was searching for "pr0n." I did so. It was funny. That was that. Little did I know, that wasn't that. In 5 days time I was sent an e-mail from ChaCha. I had been selected to be a Guide. I knew this was an opportunity I could not pass up. I accepted.
And so here I am. I take "queries" from "info seekers" at $5 an hour. And I always help them to the best of my ability.
........................
At least that's what I'm supposed to be doing.
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