Dave Benson Phillips is Following Me

QUERY: how to tell if dave benson phillips is following you

Guide: Welcome to ChaCha!
Info Seeker: hi
Guide: Hello!
Guide: That guy?
Info Seeker: i'm worried i might be targeted for assassination by dave benson phillips
Guide: He leaves a trail a mile long.
Guide: Listen... look behind you. Is he there?
Info Seeker: no he's not that stupid
Info Seeker: he will be hiding
Guide: Of course he's not.
Guide: I'm trying to talk you through finding him.
Info Seeker: ok
Guide: Do you see any light sources behind you?
Info Seeker: yes
Info Seeker: do you think it's dave benson phillips?
Guide: I don't know, thats usually a sign of his work.
Guide: He only travels by artificial light.
Info Seeker: how should i avoid him
Info Seeker: do you think dave benson phillips fears fire?
Guide: I need you to prepare artichokes.
Guide: No! He 's drawn to it!!!
Info Seeker: how many artichokes?
Guide: (This book may prove helpful) (Links a book)
Info Seeker: thanks
Guide: 19
Info Seeker: ok there's a problem
Guide: Of course there may be!
Info Seeker: i only have 18 artichokes available
Guide: The lizards!
Info Seeker: are the lizards working with dave benson phillips or against him?
Guide: Hmm...
Guide: With him. He speaks to them while they dream.
Info Seeker: what does he say?
Guide: How would I know?
Info Seeker: i don't know. are you dave benson phillips?
Guide: ...
Guide: No..
Guide: Of course... not...
Info Seeker: do you promise?
Guide: Sure.
Guide: Just put on the artichokes so the lizards can smell you.
Info Seeker: has dave benson phillips ever got his own back on you?
Guide: One day... I turn around.
Guide: And i see THIS.

Guide: Just staring me in the face.
Info Seeker: oh man
Info Seeker: what did you do?
Guide: I ran.
Guide: I ran for hours... And then...
Info Seeker: did he follow you?
Guide: I just dont want to talk about it right now.
Info Seeker: i understand i'm in a similar situation
Guide: Are the artichokes boiling?
Info Seeker: how do you tell?
Guide: Hold on.
Guide: That should be sufficient.
Info Seeker: listen i think dave benson phillips is on to me
Info Seeker: i need to shut off all lines of communication
Guide: He's on to everyone... god dam it.
Guide: Good luck kid.
Info Seeker: thanks for your help, i hope i don't get gunged
Guide: Me too... me too.
Guide: Good luck.
Guide: Please RATE ME. Thanks for using ChaCha.
Status: Session ended.

Hopefully that turned out well for him.